Friendship
Download Lesson Here
What does the word “friendship” mean to you?
This is an interesting word, because friendship means different things to different people. Many of us have never defined our friendships. We just know someone is our friend.
Think of someone that you are friends with. Why are you friends?
It’s Important!
In previous lessons, we have talked about being a good brother and confronting a brother. We have talked a lot about brotherhood during your time at Hope CDA, but we have never focused our attention on friendship.
It is important to have friends. A study at the Mayo Clinic found that there are significant benefits in friendships. These include such things as increasing your feeling of belonging, boosting your happiness, decreasing stress levels, and improving self-confidence.[1] On the other side of that, those who do not build strong friendships are likely to be very unhappy. They are more disconnected and can easily become socially isolated.[2] This can lead to depression, stress, financial insecurity, even physical problems. It is important that you have friends!
Have you had a time in your life where you did not have friendships? If so, what was your life like?
The Bible Agrees
The Bible has a lot to say about friendship and friends in general. God recognizes the importance of each person having a good friend or two. In fact, there are many examples of this in the Bible.
One of the most powerful was the relationship between David and Jonathan. Many of us know David, as defeating Goliath and eventually becoming king of Israel. Jonathan was the son of the previous king, Saul. What is interesting about this story is that Saul wanted David dead, but Jonathan went against his father, saving David on many occasions. They loved each other deeply as friends, very much like brothers, demonstrating the powerful bond that two friends can have for one another.
Do you have a friend like that? Is there someone you could depend upon who would protect you if you were in a dangerous situation?
Jonathan risked his life to protect David. The Bible does not spell this out, but defying the king in this way, even if the king was his father, would have led to death had it been known. However, Jonathan was living out the words of Jesus when He said that there was no greater love than when someone would lay down his life for his friends (John 15:13). Jonathan was willing to give up his life to protect David.
Qualities of a Good Friend
It is likely that you will not have to give up your life for your friend. Most friendships will never come to that point. However, you should have friends who would do just about anything to help and protect you.
It starts with one who is willing to stand with you during the darkest times in your life. Proverbs 18:24 tells us that there is a friend who sticks closer than a brother. Jonathan was an example of that friend. Jonathan protected David as his own brother.
This is explained more deeply in Proverbs 17:17, where it says that a friend loves at all times, but a brother is born for adversity. Jonathan was born for the struggles of David. David was running for his life, never certain if Saul would capture and kill him. There was probably no greater adversity in David’s life, but Jonathan was there to protect him.
We all face adversity in our lives. It may not be to the extent that David did, but many of us do face situations that are life-and-death. Even a drug addiction can be a life-and-death situation. Maybe someone has wanted to physically harm you, maybe even to kill you. Do you have friends who would stand by you during your time of adversity?
How does such a friendship develop?
One of the interesting things about this type of friendship is that it does not develop overnight. There are some instances where it is necessary for you to trust people you don’t really know with your life. A group of men in a war must rely on each other to ensure that they survive. The failure of one man to protect the others could lead to the death of them all, so each man is willing to give up everything to save the rest, understanding that his own life is at risk if he does not protect the others.
However, that kind of trust usually develops differently. It takes time, history, and experience to know when you can truly trust someone with your life. What types of experiences do you believe would help you to trust someone with your life?
Building the Bonds of Friendship
The purpose of this lesson is not to find out who would be willing to die or give their life for you. The purpose is to help you to understand what biblical friendship looks like. To be honest, it is quite different than what other friendships might be.
For followers of Jesus, friendship is based upon love for one another. To understand this, we return to a section of verses we have discussed a lot in previous lessons, 1 Corinthians 13:4-7:
4 Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. 5 It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. 6 Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. 7 It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.
After reading through these verses, discuss how these apply to friendships.
Do you have friends that love you in this way?
Do you have friends that you love this way?
If you have friends that you love and who love you in this way, how did that develop? If not, why do you think you do not have friends like this?
The truth is that your friendship should be built on this type of love. Friendships do not start that way, however. The Greek word for this type of love is agape. A different type of love is phileo, which stands for a brotherly type of love.
This is a kind of love that is equal. This love says, “I love you and look out after you because you love and look out after me.” Most friendships will reach this level. If you have many friends like this, you are still a very blessed man. However, the ultimate goal is to have friends who love you and for whom you love just as Jesus loves us.
Let’s look at Proverbs 18:24: One who has unreliable friends soon comes to ruin, but there is a friend who sticks closer than a brother.
What does this verse teach us about friendship?
This is a kind of friendship that is all about loyalty. No matter what difficulty you may be going through, this friend would stick with you. He or she is there for you when you are in your darkest and most difficult times.
Can you give some examples of when you could be there for your friend in dark or difficult times?
A Good Friend Speaks Truth
Your close friends should be loyal and faithful to you. They should stand with you during very dark, depressing, and difficult times.
However, they should not be willing to allow you to do things that can harm you. Instead, they should be willing to say and do difficult things to correct you.
Look at Proverbs 27:5-6: 5 Better is open rebuke than hidden love. 6 Wounds from a friend can be trusted, but an enemy multiplies kisses.
What do these verses teach us about friendship?
Let’s start with the first. If you haven’t figured this out already, what is being explained is that it is better for a friend to rebuke you to your face, correcting your actions and thoughts, then to “love you” by keeping quiet. This person recognizes that you are doing something wrong and is willing to tell you that, instead of just biting their tongue.
In the second verse, an enemy will say all kinds of good things to you. Truthfully, that person wants you to fail, so he or she will support your bad decisions. However, a friend will tell you things that may hurt, but you know you can trust them because they have your best interests at heart.
Is it easy to listen to your friends when they tell you difficult things?
When they do, do you believe that they are doing it because they love you?
In Proverbs 27:9, it tells us: Perfume and incense bring joy to the heart, and the pleasantness of a friend springs from their heartfelt advice.
What do you think this verse tells us about friendship?
One of the keywords of this verse is heartfelt. Your friend is giving you advice from the heart. He or she loves you and wants you to thrive, so he or she is willing to say things to you that may seem unpleasant, but truly are words meant to bring great joy to your life, much like great smells bring joy.
Building You Up
While your friends may need to say tough things to you, that does not mean that is all they share. We need to know when we are doing things well, and your friends should be there to help push you up when you are do good. They should also be there to lift your spirits when you struggle.
Your next lesson is Overcoming Abuse. Abuse can ruin a person’s self-esteem and lead to bad decisions. One of the biggest barriers for victims and abusers alike is that they do not have good friends to talk to about their struggles. So, they battle this on their own, often leading to terrible habits and behaviors.
If you are a victim of abuse or have abused others, friends can make a huge difference. They can be there to love and care for you when you need support. They can also encourage you to keep battling when you feel overwhelmed.
Do you have friends who help to edify you?
Your Friend Influences Your Life
Proverbs has many verses about friendship, including Proverbs 27:17: As iron sharpens iron, so one person sharpens another.
What does this verse mean?
The way that a person gets better in his walk is when another brother provides insights and correction that change the life of his friend. The second brother should lift up the first as well, encouraging him and supporting him during his difficult times. However, the second brother should also be willing to butt heads with the first to get him to see the errors he is making. This is iron sharpening iron.
Think about that image. What happens when one piece of iron hits against another? The truth is that both pieces of iron sharpen one another. Both pieces benefit, not just one.
This is true when confronting and loving your brother in difficult times. When you do something like this, it actually benefits you as well. How do you think this is true? How do you benefit when you “sharpen” your brother?
When you do this, two primary benefits occur. The first is that you demonstrate love. When you say something difficult to a brother, wanting him to get on a better pathway, you are sacrificing yourself for the benefit of your brother. That is not an easy thing to do, but it truly demonstrates how Jesus loves us. This is also true when you speak words that edify him. He feels loved, helping him to overcome the struggle.
The second way it benefits you is that it strengthens your friendship. A man needs to know that he can rely on his friends. By going to him, you are letting him know that he can count on you. Your friendship grows as a result.
Your Friend Gives You Strength
This a very big subject and cannot be covered completely in one lesson, but you have been given some important points that should help you to grow your friendships.
We want to add one more point. Ecclesiastes 4:9-12 tells us:
9 Two are better than one, because they have a good return for their labor: 10 If either of them falls down, one can help the other up. But pity anyone who falls and has no one to help them up. 11 Also, if two lie down together, they will keep warm. But how can one keep warm alone? 12 Though one may be overpowered, two can defend themselves. A cord of three strands is not quickly broken.
Understand that Satan wants to destroy you. He wants to see you beaten. When you are alone you are much easier to defeat. However, when two or more do anything, they strengthen each other and actually increase their ability to withstand any challenge.
Using the verses in Ecclesiastes, how do you think your friendships strengthen you in difficult times?
What are the challenges for you in developing close friendships? How do you overcome those barriers?
Is there someone that you believe you could trust and open your heart to so that you can build a strong friendship with that person?
Memory Verse: Proverbs 18:24 – A man of many companions may come to ruin, but there is a friend who sticks closer than a brother.
Bible Passages for the Week:
Monday – Proverbs 17:9
Tuesday – Proverbs 16:28
Wednesday – Ecclesiastes 4:9-12
Thursday –1 John 4:7
Friday – Proverbs 18:24
Saturday – Pick a passage from Scripture that teaches you about friendship.
[1] “Friendships: Enrich your life and improve your health,” Mayo Clinic (October 15, 2024). https://www.mayoclinic.org/healthy-lifestyle/adult-health/in-depth/friendships/art-20044860
[2] “Friendship and loneliness – Effects on overall health and happiness. HWMWC. https://mentalwellnessbc.ca/mental-health/friendship-and-loneliness/?gad_source=1&gbraid=0AAAAADvQ5AjqZnjDpRFGGvxiQjIRy_BXs&gclid=Cj0KCQjw8cHABhC-ARIsAJnY12yZfhPhynsgmpV1GaJ9_6Pkf_KIbyfDcfwkZVs6wmqmm5GuC8T6oS0aAgqpEALw_wcB
Download Lesson Here
© 2025 Dr. Robert Pannier, Hope CDA, All Rights Reserved
