Understanding Conflicts
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In the last block of classes you had a lesson on resolving conflicts. As a refresher, can you explain how conflicts are to be resolved? What is the biblical principle for resolving conflicts?
Why We Have Conflict
As part of that lesson, you learned that there are two primary reasons why conflict arises. Often this is out of fear and unmet expectations.
James 4:1-5 gives a great explanation for the core issues related to conflict.
1 What causes quarrels and what causes fights among you? Is it not this, that your passions are at war within you? 2 You desire and do not have, so you murder. You covet and cannot obtain, so you fight and quarrel. You do not have, because you do not ask. 3 You ask and do not receive, because you ask wrongly, to spend it on your passions. 4 You adulterous people! Do you not know that friendship with the world is enmity with God? Therefore whoever wishes to be a friend of the world makes himself an enemy of God. 5 Or do you suppose it is to no purpose that the Scripture says, “He yearns jealously over the spirit that he has made to dwell in us”?
Using these verses, describe why conflicts occur?
Do you find that recent conflicts of yours related to the description given by James?
Digging Deep into Conflict
The remaining portion of this lesson is going to look at three major categories of conflict. The purpose of this is to show you how these types of conflicts can lead to disputes with others.
Internal Conflict
Have you ever found yourself getting upset at someone for no reason? Why did you think that happened?
Often, it is the internal conflict inside of us that causes us to lash out at others. Sometimes that internal conflict can cause us to lash out at ourselves. In fact, many psychologists explain that the reason we are lashing out at others is because we truly are angry at ourselves. Our beliefs, desires, choices, and feelings create a great deal of internal conflict.
Think about the apostle Peter for a moment. After Jesus was arrested, Peter denied Jesus three times (Luke 22:54-62). The biblical account explains to us that Jesus told Peter that he would deny Him, but Peter adamantly promised that he would stay faithful to Jesus no matter what. Yet, when confronted by others about his association with Jesus, Peter was quick to deny Him each time.
What sort of internal conflict do you think Peter faced?
Peter likely had a number of different feelings and emotions related to the situation. He believed he would stand firm for Jesus, but denied Him, exactly as Jesus had predicted. He probably felt guilt, betrayal, shame, and may have even hated himself.
Have you ever had feelings like this before? Have you ever felt you betrayed someone? How did you respond to that internal conflict?
Internal conflict can be troubling. It can create serious hardship for you. It can also lead to a change in your thinking and behavior. Have you ever felt guilty about something? Did that guilt lead to some kind of change in you?
Many people try to use external solutions to remedy an internal conflict. They turn to such things as sex, drugs, risky behavior, even creating conflict. During a time when you faced an internal conflict, did you turn to these kinds of behaviors?
Not every situation is going to be the same, but many of your internal conflicts can be resolved in two simple ways. Often our conflict is rooted in some form of guilt, pride, or shame. Approaching God and repenting of these behaviors will often help you to overcome the conflict. In other words, go to God and ask Him for help. Acknowledge that you acted improperly, did something wrong, even sinned. A lot of times acknowledging your wrong will help you to be able to find peace with your internal conflict.
Also, ask others to help you. Let your friends and those you trust know that you are struggling. You need help. Honestly, it can be very difficult to resolve your own internal conflicts. You may not even see your own behavior. Having the help of someone you trust can help to quickly resolve the battle within you.
One other note we want to make. If your internal conflict is leading you to risky behavior, you may need to seek professional help. Often times, people are using drugs as a means to harm themselves, maybe even take their own life. If this is your thinking, seek help immediately.
How do you think you could help somebody who is undergoing an internal conflict?
Interpersonal Conflicts
This is where most of our discussions related to conflict have been focused. You are going to have conflicts with others. These conflicts arise because of two primary causes: fear and unmet expectations.
You have learned how to resolve these conflicts. The Bible provides a pathway (Matthew 18:15-20) to rectifying these types of situations. Understand that these types of situations are only going to be resolved if both parties are willing to help resolve them. Both parties must be willing to humble themselves.
The Bible provides some great examples of disputes or conflicts between family members and fellow believers. One of the stories is told in Acts 15:36-41. In this account, the apostle Paul is upset because John Mark had left their previous journey. Now, he wanted to return, but Paul did not want him to be part of the next mission trip. They did not battle it out. The Bible does not tell us that they fought or mocked one another. Instead, it simply tells us that John Mark went with Barnabas to follow a different journey. In other words, the resolution was to separate.
We use this story because we want you to recognize that, at times, the best solution to resolving an issue may be separation, at least for a time. Arguing back and forth is likely not going to bring about a resolution. In fact, it may make matters worse.
Have you been in situations where you were at odds with someone? Did stepping away or could stepping away have helped to de-escalate the situation?
Despite their differences, both John Mark and Paul continued to serve God. Neither walked away from his faith in anger. Neither turned away from God. Neither turned away from the calling that God had for each of them. They simply did not do it together.
You may find that it is difficult to get along with someone. It may be best for you to have a smaller amount of interaction with that person. However, the unity of the body is extremely important. What that means that you and the other person must remain focused on the mission of God. That will mean that you and the other person have to set aside your differences to help further God’s plan.
Do you have a conflict with a brother? How can you further the kingdom of God even if you find it difficult to be around him?
Spiritual Conflicts
One area we really wanted you to learn about is the spiritual realm. Satan and his forces are real, and you are in a battle against them. Every Christian is!
Satan is your enemy. Jesus told us that the devil came to steal, kill, and destroy (John 10:10). There is nothing good in him. His only purpose is to destroy your life, steal your joy and peace, and kill every good thing.
Because of this, it is important to realize that there is a big spiritual conflict going on as well. In fact, Satan is often using or creating internal conflicts in you in hopes of tearing you down or leading you to destructive behaviors.
Let’s use an example. You are very upset about some situation and are looking for resolution. You may even begin to pray. However, Satan begins to give you thoughts. He begins to attack you by suggesting that maybe drugs or alcohol would resolve your problem. That God is not there for you and that He does not care. That you cannot overcome this on your own. That one drink of alcohol or use of meth would resolve your situation.
Brothers, you are in a spiritual battle! Satan is trying to tempt you to lead you to make bad decisions. He is using every lie possible to convince you to do something wrong you must be on guard.
Has Satan tempted you during your times of conflict? What are some of the lies he told you?
The important thing to realize is that he will make suggestions that seem good. This is seen in the temptations that Jesus faced in the wilderness (Matthew 4). Jesus had been fasting for 40 days. He was clearly hungry. It is at that point that the devil came to him, telling Jesus to turn stones into bread. Jesus is God. He can easily turn stones into bread. It would help to satisfy his hunger. It sounds like a great suggestion.
However, this temptation was not about Jesus’ power. Instead, it was the devil attempting to manipulate Jesus so that he could have influence over God. It was a trick. He used something good to try to trick Jesus into doing something that He shouldn’t have done.
This is the spiritual battle you face, brothers. You have a devil who knows you well. In fact, he knows you better than anyone other than God.
What do you do when you are struggling spiritually?
What type of spiritual battles do you see occurring in your life? Are you relying on God to assist you in these battles?
So, how do you win the spiritual battle? It begins by completely relying on God. When you are struggling, lean into God, pray, and seek His guidance. Read your Bible. If a solution seems good but you are unsure, find out what God said about your solution in the Bible. While the Bible may not address your specific situation, the principal related to helping you is always there.
How could God’s words in the Bible help you when you are anxious and want to use drugs?
