What Is Love?
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How would you define love?
As a Christian, this is an important question that we must all be able to answer. The Bible uses this word nearly 700 times, making it clear that this is an essential part of the Christian life. In fact, we are even told that God is love (1 John 4:8).
What Does Love Look Like?
The New Testament was written in Greek. This is important because there are three words in Greek used in the Bible that are translated as love. They are ἔρως (eros), φιλία (philia), and ἀγάπη (agape). The Greek word eros is where we get the English word erotic, and is a type of passionate, sexual related love. Philia is a brotherly type of love. It is a love that we would have for a person because that person loves us as well.
The other word for love, which is used to describe God, is agape. This is a self-sacrificing type of law, where one does something for another without any expectation in return.
What makes agape love different than the other two is that it is not based on emotion. This is not a feeling type of love. It is love in action, where a person does things to demonstrate love through their actions, not through the way that he or she feels.
This is an important distinction because the Bible even tells us that God hated people. Malachi 1:2-3 tells us that God loved Jacob but hated Esau. Esau was a terrible person who had no concern for God whatsoever, and God did not like him either. However, God still loved Esau in that he cared for him no matter what Esau did.
Do you find it hard to do good things for those who annoy you or who you hate?
This is the real challenge for the Christian. There are people out there who do despicable and horrific things, yet God calls on us to be loving in our actions toward that person.
It may seem hard to do, but it is the standard that God has set for us. You were asked to memorize Romans 5:8, which tells us, “but God shows his love for us in that while we were still sinners, Christ died for us.” We hated God and were acting in opposition to everything that He wanted us to do, yet Christ died for us so that we could be free from our sins. His action was to die so that the debt we owed for our sins was paid. He may not have liked us at all. He may have even hated us to some degree. Yet, Christ died on the cross to pay for our sins even though God may not have liked us at all.
The Ultimate Standard of Love
This leads us to one of the most powerful sections of verses in the Bible. In 1 Corinthians 13:4-7, Paul explains what love looks like:
4 Love is patient and kind; love does not envy or boast; it is not arrogant 5 or rude. It does not insist on its own way; it is not irritable or resentful; 6 it does not rejoice at wrongdoing, but rejoices with the truth. 7 Love bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things.
Do these qualities of love seem like they are easy to follow?
As you read these qualities of love, what do you think is the most difficult one for you to apply to your life?
Understanding Love
The truth is that many of us can follow elements of this passage without difficulty. However, there are some parts of it that you may find challenging. There may also be an instance where you don’t understand this passage completely. Therefore, it is necessary that we properly understand what love looks like.
Patient – It is likely that many of us understand the concept of patience. Many of us ask for more patience in the way that we deal with others, but we may not put this element into practice.
This text uses two Greek words translated as patience. They most literally mean “long tempered.” This does not mean that you are putting up with anything that someone does or says. Instead, it means that you are slow to get angry. You endure wrongs from others without seeking to retaliate.
We have learned about the concept of grace. We understand that grace is unmerited favor. It is to be merciful. Being patient is the very epitome of grace. It is accepting that others have imperfections, faults, and differences that may annoy or anger us, but we do not respond in anger, choosing to respond with grace.
What are the challenges of being patient with others?
Are you able to show grace to those who annoy or anger you?
Kind – Kind is a word that many of us feel is something we understand, but let’s dig deeper into this word. The Greek word for kind can also mean “useful,” which means that a person who is kind is one who is willing to be helpful. He or she is looking for opportunities to meet the needs of others without expecting something in return.
This person is not responding to harsh treatment, forgives the offenses of others, or helps somebody who is in need. However, let’s look deeper.
One of the best ways to understand kindness is expressed in Romans 12:19-21. Here, Paul writes, “19 Beloved, never avenge yourselves, but leave it to the wrath of God, for it is written, “Vengeance is mine, I will repay, says the Lord.” 20 To the contrary, “if your enemy is hungry, feed him; if he is thirsty, give him something to drink; for by so doing you will heap burning coals on his head.” 21 Do not be overcome by evil, but overcome evil with good.”
God tells us that we are not to seek vengeance on those who have wronged us. We are then told that if our enemy is hungry, we should feed him or her. If our enemy is thirsty, we should give him or her something to drink.
The next part of this passage tells us that in doing this we are heaping “burning coals on his head.” This is often taught as a type of punishment. That by being nice we are searing our enemy’s head, and he or she will feel horrible for his or her actions. That is not the proper understanding at all.
A little cultural understanding is necessary. In those days, communities had a central place where people would go to get coals to bring to their home to cook with and heat their homes. They carried these coals in a pot that was placed on one’s head. At nighttime, these community coals were smothered to keep them from burning out completely. A person who needed coals would no longer be able to get them at the central location, so he or she would go to a neighbor. God is telling us that when our enemy asks for coals, we should not just give him or her one or two pieces but give a whole lot. God is telling us when our enemy asks for a little, we should give a lot. That is true kindness.
Do you find it hard to be kind to people?
Are you kind to your enemies?
Does Not Envy or Boast – Love does not envy. It is not jealous. What this means is that love is not greedy and selfish. A person who is jealous wants what you have. He or she covets what you have, and can often be obsessed with that desire. In the Ten Commandments we are told not to covet your neighbor’s goods or wife (Exodus 20:17). Doing so does not demonstrate love.
We often relate jealousy to possessions and relationships. I am jealous of someone because they have a new car. I am jealous when someone talks to my wife. However, jealousy can ruin a relationship far beyond this. A jealous person does not recognize the abilities or contributions of others. A jealous person does not want his or her spouse, children, or friends to have any other friends or relationships. A jealous person is possessive and hurtful. This is an unloving person.
Do you find yourself struggling with jealousy? If so, what are your jealousies?
An unloving person is also boastful. However, they are not boasting out of excitement about doing well on a test or getting a promotion. Instead, they’re boasting out of arrogance. The person who is boastful is bragging about their accomplishments to make them look good and to make others feel bad.
Do you find yourself being boastful with others?
An important thing to understand about boasting is that it is often rooted in a feeling of inadequacy. The reason why we need to elevate ourselves over others, while pushing them down, is because it makes us feel good about ourselves. God wants us to feel good about who we are because we are His child, perfectly designed by the Creator of all things. He also wants us to build up others so they see their valule.
If you read Matthew 5-6, you will see lots of examples of boasting. Jesus criticized the Pharisees because they often boasted of their “righteousness.” Jesus told us in Matthew 6:3 how we should act when we do good things: “But when you give to the needy, do not let your left hand know what your right hand is doing.” You do not need to boast about how good you are. As Jesus said, that person has received their reward. Instead, seek after the reward promised to you in heaven by God.
Are there instances where you have been boastful recently? How could you have changed your behavior?
Not Arrogant – We are also told that love is not arrogant. Many may think boasting is the same as being arrogant, but there is a significant difference. A person who boasts is doing so because he or she is trying to elevate him or herself. However, a person who is arrogant believes he or she is already better than everyone.
There is no humility in arrogance. There is also no love. An arrogant person is not concerned with building up others. In fact, an arrogant person often does not see value in others.
Are you arrogant with others? Would others say you are arrogant?
Not Rude – Most of us could tell you when someone is being rude. Rude could be providing a short answer to someone’s question or saying something in a tone of voice that came across harshly. The truth is that all of us have been rude at some point. The type of root that Paul is talking about is when one needlessly offends another.
Being rude would be to laugh at somebody else’s misfortune. It would be closing the door on someone who is trying to get out of the cold. It would be eating the last candy, knowing somebody else really wanted it. In other words, it would be the opposite of being polite and courteous.
Rudeness is a selfish act. It is often rooted in other elements we have just learned. A rude person is often arrogant. A rude person is often boastful. A rude person is often not patient and not kind.
Do you think you act rudely toward others? Why do you think you do that?
Does Not Insist on Its Own Ways – Do you have to always have your way? Then maybe you are unloving. This type of person is always demanding his or her rights. It is very much like when you were a baby. All that you cared about was your personal needs. This would be true of a person who insists on his or her own way.
A loving person is willing to sacrifice his or her own rights for the benefit of others. For example, Jesus gave up His life for us. He had the right to live. Yet, He died for us so that we could be free.
If you find a need to have your way all the time, it is time for you to start examining what is at the root of that desire.
Not Irritable or Resentful – We talked about love being patient, meaning that it was not easily angered. Love is also not irritable. This means that it is not easily provoked.
Do you know someone who has an extremely quick temper? That person gets offended by something and, “Boom!” they explode. That person uses their temper to intimidate or punish others. Like a bomb that blows up in a room, destroying the lives of everyone around, the person who is easily irritable destroys the peace of others.
Often, a person who is easily irritable is one who needs to have things go his or her way. That person becomes outraged because others do not see things his or her way.
If you find yourself easily irritated, how can you change that?
An unloving person is also resentful. This person does not find joy in the successes of others. Instead, he or she is jealous. That person may even sabotage the successes of another out of their resentment.
Do you know someone who is often resentful? What do you think is fueling their resentment?
Does Not Rejoice in Wrongdoing – This is one that all of us are guilty of at some point. Someone makes a mistake, and we quickly think to ourselves, “Aha! They got what they deserved.” We rejoice in the failings of another. That is not love at all.
It is also not keeping tabs on the number of wrongs that someone has committed. Some are keeping track of every instance when others do wrong, like they are keeping a balance sheet. Love does not hold a record of wrongs. It does not rejoice in the wrongs that others have committed or the punishment they receive for the wrongs. It also does not hold a record of the wrongs, but chooses to let go.
The last thing that Jesus said on the cross was, “It is finished.” The Greek word used here is an accounting term. It means that all the debt was paid. The ledger was closed.
God is expecting us to have the same approach to those who have committed wrongs. That we would wipe the slate clean, choosing to forgive and forget.
Do you find it hard to let go of the wrongs that others have committed?
How could you show love to that person or those people?
Rejoices in Truth – The last thing that Paul tells us is that love rejoices in truth. While love does not rejoice in the failings of others or hold a record of every wrong someone has done, it also does not look past the errors that a person is making. Love rejoices in truth. If a person has done something wrong, he or she needs to be confronted. This is the loving thing to do.
Hebrews 12:11 tells us, “For the moment all discipline seems painful rather than pleasant, but later it yields the peaceful fruit of righteousness to those who have been trained by it.” It is not enjoyable to tell a person of the wrongs he or she has committed. The person doesn’t like it. You may not like it. However, doing so will yield great success for that person in the long run. This is what rejoicing in truth is all about. It is acknowledging that God’s ways are always true and encouraging others to walk in those ways as well.
We Do Show Love to Some
It is likely that you are showing this type of love in a relationship already. Most of us are extremely loving toward our children. We correct them when they are wrong (rejoicing in truth), and are patient and kind with them when they do things that make us angry. We do not become irritated or easily angered, don’t hold wrongs they have done for years and years, and are not jealous or resentful of the successes that our children have. In fact, we are often quite proud of their accomplishments.
We know how to properly love. So, we need to take that kind of love and apply it to all relationships. To do otherwise would demonstrate bias or favoritism, something God detests. In 1 Timothy 5:21, we are told, “In the presence of God and of Christ Jesus and of the elect angels I charge you to keep these rules without prejudging, doing nothing from partiality.”
We are called to show the same kind of love for every person. In fact, we are even told to show this type of love to our enemies.
What Does Love Do?
Paul closes out this passage with these words, “Love bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things. Love never ends.”
Your love should have no limit to it. No matter what someone does, you should be willing to show love. Love always wants to believe the best in others. While some may lie and do deceitful things, love does not approach others from the start expecting them to do wrong. Love hopes the best for others, wanting them to thrive while not being jealous and resentful. Love endures without anger and irritation.
Most importantly, love never ends. When all other things disappear and there is nothing else left in the world, love will be the one thing that will endure.
This is the statement we need to consider for a moment. No matter what we have done, the sins we have committed, or the harm we have caused, God will always have love for us. God will always care for us and do loving things to help us. It is something we know will never fail. Why? Because God is love.
Because God is love, He can never fail. He will always love us, always endure the dumb things we do, always believe we will do the next right thing, always bear the challenges and struggles we face, and will always hope for a bright future for us.
God is asking us to live like Jesus. That means He is asking us to love like Jesus as well.
Are there some who you already love like this?
Why do you find it difficult to love others in this way?
How do you think Jesus is calling you to love?
Your Memory Verse: 1 Corinthians 13:4-7 – 4 Love is patient and kind; love does not envy or boast; it is not arrogant 5 or rude. It does not insist on its own way; it is not irritable or resentful; 6 it does not rejoice at wrongdoing, but rejoices with the truth. 7 Love bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things.
Bible Passages for the Week:
Monday – Romans 13:8-10
Tuesday – Matthew 5:43-48
Wednesday – John 13:34
Thursday – John 15:13
Friday – 1 John 4:8
Saturday – Pick a passage from Scripture that teaches you about what it means to love others.
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© 2025 Dr. Robert Pannier, Hope CDA, All Rights Reserved
